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A.G.K. (27)
Pleven, Bulgaria |
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D.D. (35)
Niš, Yugoslavia |
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I.S.P. (27)
Rijeka, Croatia |
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Meeting
Point: A Search
Tanja Dabo
This work is
the result of the experience of acquaintance and
relationship with my best friend and her immigrant life in Amsterdam.
In September of 2001, I went to Amsterdam and polished the floors
of three interiors that have been previously cleaned by three
young women, I.S.P., D.D. and A.G.K.. All three of them are
immigrants from Eastern Europe and they live and work in Amsterdam
illegally, supporting themselves by cleaning.
Their testimonies, short segments of their lives, are stories
about the experience of leaving one's homeland, in search for
a better life, on a quest for a goal, realization, and about
their experience of living and working illegally in Netherlands.
Texts are edited versions of interviews with I.S.P., D.D. and
A.G.K., with minimal changes that don't affect their authenticity.
Tanja Dabo
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A.G.K.
(27), Pleven, Bulgaria - history teacher
- loves her profession
- in Bulgaria she worked as a history teacher, kitchen
designer and vegetable vendor
- unemployed for 2 years, she was financially supported
by her sister who lives in Amsterdam
- she arrived in Amsterdam (for the first time in her
life) in May, 2001
- she picked this city because her sister lives here
(they live together now), otherwise she would have gone
to Greece or Spain
- she left Bulgaria because of difficult economic conditions
- she also wishes to study in Amsterdam, perhaps history
again, because her Bulgarian degree can't be validated
in Netherlands
- she came to Amsterdam to earn money, and will stay
for about a year until she earns enough to go back,
she wants to return to Bulgaria to study English and
get a certificate so she can study history in Netherlands
in English language, if she manages to get a scholarship
for study abroad
- she hasn't tried to acquire documents for a residence
permit because she feels it's impossible to get them
unless she marries a Dutch citizen, and she would never
do it for this reason
- along with Bulgarian scholarship, she hopes she will
acquire the Dutch documents - a one year residence permit
(student visa)
- she fears deportation
- when she was leaving Bulgaria, she knew she would
earn a living by cleaning
- now she cleans three houses and a hotel
- this is a hard and humiliating work for her, and sometimes
she's angry and sad because she's forced to do this
- this work doesn't make her feel good, but sometimes
it's interesting to think about the people (whose apartments
she cleans), about their lives and the things they utilize
- she thinks people in Amsterdam are very friendly,
but she suspects this is just hypocrisy; she thinks
Dutch people are very energetic and they love money,
although they don't use it for enjoyment, and they aren't
arrogant; people seem to be calm and spontaneous
- she feels lonely, it's hard to find friends, she spends
her free time only with Bulgarians
- she compares everything with Bulgaria, and in the
beginning, Amsterdam and Netherlands seemed far more
positive
- she's curious and likes meeting people, but she's
unhappy because the realization of many things here
depends on money one has at disposal, even entertainment...
Amsterdam, 9/2001.
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D.D.
(35), Niš, Yugoslavia
- history and geography teacher
- she worked 10 years in her field
- she's been in Amsterdam for a year, she lives temporarily
in an organized provisional housing
- she left Yugoslavia for economic reasons and because
she hoped for a better life in the West
- she never tried to leave her country in a legal way
because she always hoped life would get better in the
homeland, but the experience has proved that the state
of affairs became only worse; this is why she regrets
she hasn't left 10 years ago
- she arrived in Amsterdam 'via forest', illegally crossing
all borders, together with three friends, each paid
2,500 DEM for an illegal transportation in a van from
Belgrade to Netherlands (in Yugoslavia, you can do anything
with money); she was very frightened; they travelled
two days and two nights
- they had no housing, no plans when they arrived in
Amsterdam; they contacted friends, but they hadn't expected
their friends to offer them housing or work, just to
instruct them about the procedures, the language, how
to get around, how to get a job...
- she has no experience with Dutch administration and
state
- so far she thinks life in Netherlands is terrible
- she feels OK about being a foreigner, she thinks Dutch
people accept foreigners well (Amsterdam is a city of
foreigners)
- she doesn't speak Dutch or English
- she works illegally, doesn't have a work permit, and
she thinks 99% of "our people" (ex-Yugoslavia)
live like this
- at the beginning, she was very scared, afraid of this
foreign country, she felt like a foreigner, didn't know
the language, and she was frightened that she won't
be able to ask for help if anything bad happens; she
couldn't cope with this psychologically, she was scared
to leave the house - she couldn't go out by herself,
she always had to have somebody who spoke her language;
she experienced asphyxiation, rapid heart beating and
crying fits, she had to go to a doctor; it's only in
the recent two months that she's been able to leave
the house by herself, and she has weathered the crisis
- she got the job of cleaning apartments through friends,
for example, a friend who knew English well introduced
her to an apartment owner who was looking for a cleaning
person, she would arrange the job and guarantee for
her; there were more than a few friends who did this
for her
- she never did this in homeland; sometimes she feels
this work makes her dull, sometimes she's angry she
came and wonders if she should have stayed at home,
but then she hears information that life is getting
even worse in Yugoslavia, and then she reconciles herself
with this situation; she wants to go all the way
- she is not angry about her life in Netherlands, but
she is jealous of how Dutch people live, and she ofter
compares it with the lifestyle in Yugoslavia; she's
also jealous of how relaxed people are, and that they
were fortunate to be born here
- she hopes she will get a residence permit soon, although
she thinks she will never fit in with their lifestyle
- when she started her trip to Amsterdam - she expected
it to be "a land of milk and honey", she thought
all her problems would be solved, but when they arrived
they realized their problems are only about to begin;
she realized she had nurtured illusions...
- she thought everything would be guaranteed here, for
example she thought there would be schools here for
the children of foreigners where she could work, that
she would get a small house in a couple of months and
then, after a couple of years, that she would acquire
citizenship, and that they would be whole heartedly
accepted, just because they come from a war-torn area
- she's surprised by administrative complications about
acquiring a residence permit
- ... this is not what she expected...
- she didn't come to Netherlands for a temporary stay,
she came to stay for good, but if she doesn't succeed,
maybe she will try to go to a third country before she
goes back, with the help of a Dutch organization that
deals with illegal immigrants
- her conditions for staying in Netherlands are: job,
house, to live like normal people do...
- she agrees to wait for a couple of more years...
Amsterdam, 9/2001.
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I.S.P.
(27), Rijeka, Croatia
- economist
- she went to Amsterdam to study photography and search
for a different lifestyle
- in 2000, she enrolled at the Fotoakademie in Amsterdam
- at the beginning of 2000, she attempted to obtain 'the
documents' - residence permit (one year student visa)
- she missed the first academic year while she was waiting
for the visa; after 6 months of waiting she received a
negative response and no explanation
- she filed a complaint against this decision and added
to her request a deposit of 15,000 DEM
- she waited for the response to her complaint for the
same period of time, the decision was negative, and the
reason are insufficient finances; private funding is not
acceptable, and neither is Croatian scholarship, they
demand a deposit of money in a bank, but a different (of
course, larger) amount
- in the meantime, the new academic year has begun and
the Academy requires that she must begin her study, or
she will lose the option of studying;
- she decides to leave for Netherlands without a residence
permit, and she leaves her apartment, her job..., in Croatia
- at the beginning of the year she moved to Amsterdam,
she found housing with friends' help, in a village in
the city's vicinity and began her study
- at the beginning of 2001, she applied for the visa again,
with a new deposit of money in a bank
- she was denied again; reason: Academy is private and
is not part of the Amsterdam university
- she engages a lawyer and registers another complaint
- now she's in Amsterdam and works illegally, mostly cleaning
apartments; she earns about 800 DM per month
- she has a positive attitude towards this job (it's a
job like any other), while she sees the downside of it
in the metaphor of cleaning other people's living space
- however, she interprets this as a temporary necessity
and the only option for the stay and study in Netherlands
- these have been one of the nicest 9 months in her life:
a search for her own space and self-identification in
a new life milieu
- at the beginning she was fascinated by possibility of
choice: the ability to pick the kinds of new experiences
she wants, the possibility for learning, the availability
of professional literature... and she thinks that everything
is available there, and one only has to decide in which
direction one wants to develop; now she thinks that choice
is limited, depending upon your starting position, i.e.
how much money and time you have at your disposal, and
one thing depends on the other
- with respect to all possibilities, she feels they aren't
so readily available when one has to study and clean;
it all boils down to money, and money offers possibilities
- in her starting position, she must put a lot of effort
in maintaining this starting position, and she just can't
reach those new possibilities...
Amsterdam, 9/2001.
[Momentarily, she's taking a one year break from the
Academy, and she's staying in Croatia, uncertain if
she'll be able to return to Netherlands]
Tanja
Dabo
Artist based in Rijeka, Croatia
tanja.dabo@ri.tel.hr
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Thnking
in Exile
Suzana Milevska
I live, I dwell means the same as I am... Philosophical
ideas connecting ourselves and our living spaces.
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